1. I was not the reporter Beau Breedlove tried to get a stalking order against. I’m too lazy and disorganized for the job.

2. No disrespect to my colleague Ruby, but Adam Lambert’s sexuality? Meh.

3. If you get booted out of a gay bar, you should not try to get back in the same establishment 20 minutes later.

4. Number 3 is not advice I need to follow. I’m a low maintenance drunk. Ask my bartenders.

5. Don’t care how passionate you are about abortion, if you defend the murder of a doctor in a church your loon status is set in stone.

6. If the news about Sade’s new album are untrue, I’m eating a gallon of butter pecan ice cream.

7. Steak night baby!

8. Prince Harry is the king of New York City.

9. Because I loathe everything LA (the city, not the state), I’m going for Orlando in the NBA Finals.

10. Need new shoes.